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Magazine > Member Articles > Search

Articles by Swankie57

Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
RESPONSES THAT WORK, GET LAID TONIGHT!   12/17/2008

Guys here are some responses that are fool proof, just copy and paste and get ready for action tonight!

I have just died and gone to Heaven after seeing your gorgeous profiled picture! I am


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
I Love Women   11/15/2008

I love women. I love them all! The young, the old, the ugly, the beautiful... I like the way they look, I like the way they smell, and especially the way they feel. Their fuzzy legs with the bald part


0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Greeks and Italians   11/13/2008

Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says: We have the Parthenon

The Italian says: We have the Coliseum

The Greek says: We had


0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Mental Hotline   11/11/2008

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4,


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
A Man and his six ..   11/8/2008

A man boarded a plane with 6 . After they got settled in their Seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and Asked, 'Are all of those yours?' He replied, 'No. I work for a Co


0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
The Other Man   11/8/2008

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. 'No, silly, ' she replie


0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
CLOSER TO ME   11/5/2008

I saw you again on top of the hill Diamond and sapphire eyes colored blue The songbird whispers, voices frozen still By the light of the lamp, faded shadows are true

I wish upon a falling s


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Poem from an Alcoholic   11/4/2008

Sleeping then, my dreams Carried me to your hesitant shore And I walked the land you are

How like my dreams to give me sight taste and constructive sound Oh furnish me with this sweet vacati


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Aids   11/3/2008

Gay Frank goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says"Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have Aids." Frank is devastated.

" Doc, what


0 Comments, 143 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'   11/1/2008

The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.'

The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars, ' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything fo


0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Ass Cleaning   10/27/2008

ass cleaning tips ________________________________________ Date: 2557-07-15, 11:51AM EDT

Ass cleaning tips



I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to sh


0 Comments, 295 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Ass Cleaning   10/27/2008

ass cleaning tips ________________________________________ Date: 2557-07-15, 11:51AM EDT

Ass cleaning tips



I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to sh


0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
MARRIAGE COUNSELING   10/26/2008

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"

T


0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven...   10/26/2008

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Operating Room Talk   10/26/2008

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Soldiers of the Village   10/21/2008

I've written for my lady I've written for the ages About a man time forgot Pen to pages, riding the ghost train again I can see in life' reflection mirror The Dharma Bums delight In drinking midnight


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Jewish Newlywed Woman   6/19/2008

What are the three rooms that are not needed in a Newlywed Jewish woman's home? A washer dryer room, kitchen and a bedroom.


0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Jewish Women   6/19/2008

How do you keep a Jewish woman from fucking you everyday? Marry her.


0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Painting a Boat ( A Waiter or Waitress Joke)   6/19/2008

What is the best color to paint a boat? Black because it will never tip!


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
The Susan Grund Story from Susan Grund   4/29/2008

xix

The guard that escorted me to se~egatlon was quiet until we were awa~ from the others. How much time did they give your He genVjy asked.

flarnn. You know where that came from d


0 Comments, 225 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
I TURN TO YOU   4/17/2008

When the world is darker than I can understand When nothing turns out the way I planned When the sky turns gray and there's no end in sight When I can't sleep through the lonely night

I turn


0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Condom Buddies   9/5/2007

What did one condom say to the other when they went by the gay bar?

"Do you wanna get shit faced?"...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Death in Paris (a Tribute to Diana)   8/27/2007

The world’s grown dimmer than ever tonight Death in Paris ended the Princess flight The on rushing fury of paparazzi light Echoes of tragedy and horror in the night.



0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
It's Starting to Rain!   8/27/2007

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
The Ride   8/27/2007

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the unassisted and the immediately springs into motion.

It


0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Fix the Dents   8/27/2007

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde,


0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Milk Bath   8/27/2007

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He th


0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Flat Belly   7/26/2007

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has seen. She d


0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Hall Way Sex!   7/17/2007

Elderly couples that have been married longer than they both can remember have hall way sex... when they both pass each other in a hall way they both say "fuck you!"[/CO...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
Eleven Reasons E-mail is like a Penis:   7/16/2007

11 . Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

9. Those who don't


0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes